Understanding Your Sphincters
You have two sphincter muscles: an outer one you can consciously control, and an inner one that responds to relaxation and arousal. Learning to work with both is key to comfortable, pleasurable anal play.
Training & Techniques
Learn to relax your body, use toys for gradual training, and build confidence. This is a process—enjoy the journey.
External Sphincter
You can consciously relax this muscle. Practice contracting and releasing it to gain awareness and control.
Internal Sphincter
This one responds to your mental state. Deep breathing, arousal, and patience help it relax naturally.
Relaxation Techniques
The "Push Out" Technique
When something is entering, gently push out (like you're having a bowel movement). This counterintuitive action actually relaxes your sphincters and makes entry much easier.
Deep Breathing
- Breathe slowly and deeply from your diaphragm
- Exhale as pressure is applied—this naturally relaxes muscles
- If you tense up, pause and take several deep breaths before continuing
Combine with Arousal
Your body relaxes more when aroused. Consider combining anal exploration with clitoral stimulation or whatever else turns you on.
Progressive Training
Start small and work your way up over days or weeks. There's no rush—your body will adapt on its own timeline.
1. Fingers First
Start with a well-lubed finger. Get comfortable with one before adding more. Take multiple sessions.
2. Small Toys
Graduate to a small plug or slim dildo. Wear it during other activities to train your muscles.
3. Graduated Sizes
Training kits with multiple sizes let you progress at your own pace. Only move up when ready.
The Golden Rule
Pain means stop. Discomfort or pressure is normal; actual pain is not. If something hurts, use more lube, go slower, or try again another day.
Never Use Numbing Products
Avoid any lube or product that numbs the anal area. Pain is your body's warning system—if you can't feel it, you can't tell when something is wrong. You risk serious injury without knowing it. If it hurts, the answer is more lube and slower progression, not numbing.
Oral Play (Rimming)
Here's something many women don't expect: receiving oral attention on your anus can feel incredible. The area is packed with sensitive nerve endings.
- A warm tongue naturally relaxes the sphincter
- It's a wonderful way to warm up before penetration
- Many partners genuinely enjoy giving this—it turns them on
- Shower beforehand if you're concerned about cleanliness
Communication
If you want to try receiving (or giving) rimming, talk about it openly. Many people are curious but afraid to bring it up.
Training Toys We Recommend
Ready for Partner Play?
Once you're comfortable with training, learn about positions and tips for your first time with a partner.
Continue to Positions →